Susan Lessley

Licensed Marriage and
Family Therapist

Does your partner use pornography, have affairs,
see prostitutes, or participate in other sexual addictions?  

If so, you are not alone.


You may be asking...
Can there be healing?
Can you keep the marriage/relationship together?
Can you trust again?


You get to decide how you will continue! 
You get to decide to make a commitment to change and how you will get help and support – all for you, not others.  


Part of the help you can obtain is learning to set boundaries in your relationship if your partner is struggling with pornography or other related sex addictions. Sex addicts often justify their behavior by believing that it is something “that everyone does” and “no one is getting hurt”.  Many addicts are unaware of the ripple of destruction their behavior causes, and many are aware and still unable to manage the addiction.

Information you need, even if your partner never gets help…

  • The addiction is the addict’s problem – not the partner’s or family member’s problem.  The decisions’ of the addict are completely his or her own. 
  • Processing the experience of betrayal is difficult, and many times, you will feel worse before you begin to feel better.
  • Healing is necessary for all people involved in the addict’s life. Although it is tempting to focus all attention on getting him help to stop his sex addiction behaviors, do what you can each day to get yourself on a healthier path as well.
  • Because there is so much guilt and shame surrounding sexual addiction, privacy and respect are necessary for all family members.  Some people close to you may not feel safe to talk to because of their reaction to the topic.  It is important to have a place to talk where they understand what is happening to your life.
  • Only through calm, open, honest and frank discussion will there be a platform for rebuilding trust.  When you are strong enough, it will be important to let him/her know how the addiction has affected you and your family discussion.
  • You will need support from other partners/spouses of sex addicts who understand the range and intensity of your feelings - the shock, anger, pain, and depression. This group is a safe place for you to talk, cry, express anger, or whatever other emotions that you may need or want to share.

 

If you have taken the time to search out this site, there is a good chance you have felt at one time or another shame, guilt, abandonment, anger, and sorrow.  

 

I encourage a spouse or partner to come to his/her own therapy whether or not the sex addict is ready to start his own recovery.   It is important for you to get support and clarity for yourself.  You can learn about sexual addiction and how it affects you and your family, you can decrease the isolation you feel and learn that you do not have to be ashamed because of the actions of your partner or even your own actions.  I am committed to making counseling safe and non-judgmental that will allow you to calm the chaos and sort out your situation to provide you with options. 

 

I want to help people begin (or continue) their journey to find their way through difficult times.  I offer a complimentary 30-minute consultation to ensure that you are comfortable with my style and I am the best therapist for you.  This is time to discuss briefly scheduling, fees, and how I can help. 



Therapy Group for Partners of Sex Addicts (or those who sexually act out)
click here to see a brochure for this therapy group
 

600 Twelve Oaks Center Drive
Suite 642G
Wayzata, MN 55391
Tel:  612-581-7381
 
*serving Minnesota and the twin cities area including: Andover, Bloomington, Brooklyn Center, Brooklyn Park, Chanhassen, Chaska, Corcoran, Crystal, Crystal Bay, Deephaven, Delano, Eden Prairie, Edina, Excelsior, Fridley, Ham Lake, Hamel, Hopkins, Lake Minnetonka, Loretto, Maple Grove, Medina, Minneapolis, Minnetonka, Mound, New Hope, Orono, Plymouth, Richfield, Robbinsdale, Shorewood, St. Anthony, St. Bonifacius, St. Louis Park, St. Paul, Victoria, Waconia, Wayzata, Western Wisconsin, Hutchinson, Wayzata counseling, counseling 55391

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